can i tell u dat i mish u?

it's 1 am in d'morning,
n i'm still awake,
i juz turned off ma tv last few minutes afta watching 'how i met ur mother' n d'most important one..
it's grey's anatomy y'alls~ =]
i juz started being a follower since d'last 3 episodes,
mayb cm soooooooooooo ketinggalan sbb bru nk ske dis show but so wut?huu~
actly i'm not into 'heavy' tv shows y'know,
i dun really like ER,
i used 2 watch it couples of tym..but..dat was it i guess?
until i found grey's anatomy,
i think dat show has all d'elements...i mean d'humor+some facts ere n thr+love issues,
but d'part dat i cant really stand is d'merging of knife+skin..wuhuuu~(eyes close plish!!)
but hey..dr sloan n dr sherpard r kinda hot aren't they? ;p (knife plish~i would like 2 remove ma heart so dat ma heartbeat won't b detected!) ;p

erm,
ble kte sunyi..all d'unwanted feelings unwelcomely come,
kn?
in dis case no one shud b blamed,
except 4 d'heart..kot?
bcuz d'heart is d'only thg dat leads 2 our certain inappropriate behaviors,
ikot kate hati jew pon bahye gk,
pnah x evytym kte plan 2 tell sum1 yg kte mish die kte t'pk d'concequences?
how would he/she react?
is he/she has d'same feelin as we do?
will dat 'i mish u' dat come from us affect him/her?
will it affect u afta u saying it?
how about other ppl who attached 2 him/her?
will it affect their bond?

dat is y bkn sng2 kte leh btau sum1 2 yg kte mish die,
even we mish him/her like no one can eva mish them like we do,
it's kinda painful y'know by keeping d'mish feelin 2 ursef,
rse mcm d'more u keep it d'more u bleed,
but..enuf wif u ursef yg hurt,
dun let others hurt,
u tau saket die cmne rite?
so better jgn biakn owg len saket cm u saket cuz they may not b able 2 handle d'pain as much as u did..rite?

p/s:kata-kata yg paling jujur adalah kata-kata dr hati..tp jgn biar hati kuasai diri..


::suhadanuar::

hati sgt3 t'senyum =]

tgn sejuk+xleh benti senyum+hati bkn takat b'bunge,siap be'taman agi+tbe2 xselera mkn..equal 2--->Hati Sgt3 T'senyum =]

wee~
result bru jew kuar,
n yup..i'm extremely hepih~
huu~
alhamdulillah ma result waaaaaaay btr than previous sem,
n dis tym i regain ma 1st sem's victory~
wuhuuu~

mayb tol pe yg owg bse ckp,
kdg2 ble kte berade d'atas..kte akan sng leka,
t'lalu selesa,
n utk menyedarkan kte..kte kne t'sungkur dlu,
but in ma case..Dia x biarkn masef t'sungkur twos,
Dia bg peringatan..sket2..nk bg sdar..tp xsdar2 gk..
2nd sem die wt bg t'sadung dlu..ma result kinda drop,
3rd sem xsdar2 gk..die bg luka sket ble dh t'sadung 2..ma result drop agi,
n 4th sem was d'real one..
mmg t'sungkur kaw2 nyew,
jatoh dlm lopak kelalaian sendri,
drown dlm kealpaan sendri,
n during dat sem i admit yg i did looooooooots of mistakes,
ble dh kne cm 2..i go thru lik one by one mistake..analyze stu2,
n hasilnye?
alhamdulillah =]

i'm kinda person yg kne studi ikot mood,
sbb kalo xde mood bce pon xmsk,
2 ah yg i wrongly applied tym 4th sem,
ble nk studi..tbe2 rse xde mood..then g wt movie marathon???
gle x gle ah kn?
2nd thing is..i'm kinda person yg xleh studi in group,
'ko tny akuh jwb..akuh tny ko jwb..akuh explain nih ko igt..ko explain 2 akuh igt..'
dat rarely works on me,
tp ari 2 i tried wif ma fwens.,
sbb bce xleh nk msk dh..pressure n all d'stuff..
n alhamdulillah..sgt2 b'kesan,
xigt byk pon sket ah,
better sumthin than nuthin rite?

hugeeeeeeeeeeeee thanx 2 all ma fwens esp SYERA!
she helped me a lot during d'final exam,
bygkn utk subject event dh stress gle2 nih..g m'nyemak kt blek die..n she read me few chapters,
n sok tym exam kua lak 2 yg die bce kn 2,
Ya Allah..b'syukur sgt2..alhamdulillah~
thanx sgt2 syera..thanx sgt2 =]

ati sgt3 t'senyum ble tgk result smlm =]
(even de owg 2 kate hati 2 xleh b'kate2 apetah agi t'senyum..scientifically..huhu)
ati enih kembali t'senyum afta d'last tym ia tol2 t'senyum,
erm..mayb xsme bnd leh cte kot kn?
sumtyms certain bnd kte kne keep 2 ourselves 4 d'sake of everybody's good,
xcte bkn b'maksud x rse pe2,
kdg2 pe yg kte rse 2 lbey dr pe yg kte leh cte,
tell 2 much pon xbgus sbb kdg2 fakta 2 leh hurt mane2 pihak,
but frankly speaking..d'feelin is beyond everythin =]

p/s:hati yg t'senyum able 2 ease other worries..pnah rse? ;]

::suhadanuar::

ur ex is ur fwen?

ur ex is ur fwen?
have u eva think of dat?
or u'r involve in one?
do u think it's wrong 2 b fwen wif ur ex?
n wut if ur bf's fwen is one of his ex?
can u live wif dat?

Familiar dialogues;
"dh break 2 dh ah,wtpe nk kwn2 agi.."
"hish!gle pe nk bg bf akuh kwn gn ex die?kalo dowg b'chenta lik cmne?!!"

well,
dh name pon nih tmpt biarhatiberkatakata,
so as 4 me b'kwn gn ex xde slh nyew n letting our partners b'kwn gn ex die pon xde slh,
all u need is GUTS n TRUST!

1st of all meh ckp psl kte sndri yg b'kwn gn ex,
honestly mmg ssh,
obviously kte n die de history,
we both share sweet memories 2gther,
tipu lah xrse pe2 ble ur ex cte psl die nyew current life wif his new gf kn?
n kte xleh nk slhkn die sbb dat's wut fwens do rite?
share stories?
n mayb he hurts as we did if kte cte psl life kte gn our bf..mayb ah kn..o mayb die xrse pe2?
n dat's d'biggest challenge of being fwen wif ur ex,
kdg2 ble die cte psl how sweet they are 2gther..how good he treats her..
again..kte xleh nk blame die sbb die juz nk b'cte+b'kongsi d'excitment..dh kate member?
eventhough it hurts u..sumtyms like hell..but we shud b hepi 4 them rite?
die hepi gn life die,
bt u cant lie when there's a part of urself wondering.."asl die x treat akuh cm 2 ek dlu?"
i used 2 ask 1 of ma ex bout dat y'knw?
n he said,"Ppl change n they gettin matured as d'tym goes by.mayb bnd2 yg lps wt i rse i xmau wt kt owg laen dh.I tau u saket tym kte 2gther dlu bcuz on how i treated u,so i xmau wt owg len rse bnd yg sme.."
uish..x mcm kne panah petir lak rse nyew?huhu~
then i asked him..was i like sum sort of experimantal stuff 4 u?
n his answer xtau ah nk bg sdp ati o wut but it makes sense,
"u..life is all about experiment..u xcube u xkn tau..tol x?"
(wut do u think?make sense rite?)
well..it's all about niat n keyakinan u terhadap diri u sndri snanyew,
if u rse u n die xleh nk b'kwn cuz u'll ruin his@ur rltnshp o u'll hurting ursef by doing it..then dun do it..

now lets talk about ur bf's fwen is his ex,
siyesly ssh gle nk jmpe gf@bf yg leh trime partners dowg wt cm 2,
mane x nyew..cm yg kte sme tau ble dh b'kwn 2 sure akan b'jmpe kn?
ble dh jmpe 2 sure akan b'sembg kn?
ble dh b'sembg 2 xkn ah cte bnd yg skrg jew kn?
sure de ckp psl bnd2 lps..kngn2 lps..tol x?
n sumtyms bnd 2 ah yg akan trigger lik perasaan lme 2,
'sayang' bkn leh ilang in a blink,
sure de cebisan2 yg tgl..tol x?
n sbb 2 ah wmai owg ssh sgt nk trime partner dowg kwn gn ex..

if kte b'ckp tanpe bukti o pglmn..ayat yg sumpah familiar gle akan ke udare,
"ko ckp sng ah weyh bkn ko yg rse~"
urm,
bkn nk bkk pekung d'dada but here's d'truth,
i still bkn gn most of ma ex,
still b'jmpe..b'msg..b'sembg dlm fon,
n yup i admit kdg2 tym sembg 2 de bkk cte psl bnd2 lps,
ala..pglmn idop..
kdg2 2 ble pk lik klaka pon de..huk3~
kdg2 dr bnd 2 yg kte cte 2 ah kte leh analyse slh kte n die pon leh analyse slh die n msing2 improve diri msing2,
n i tell u wut?
it works! =]
think about dis k?
kte gn die start as kwn..
tym couple pon kte b'kwn..
n ble b'kwn 2 of cos ah de bnd yg kte selese gn die yg wt kte nk kwn dgn die..tol x?
cthnyew..u selesa b'sembg gn die,
de yg u dpt from him bout life evytym kowg b'sembg,
so xslh rse nyew if u guys keep in touch..?
tp if nk gain trust partner kowg..introduce ah,
juz like u did 2 other fwens of urs..sure ur lovernk knal gn spe kowg bkwn..

de few cases yg menarik utk d'fikirkn;
1.Dis 2 guys,sowg dh almost 5 yrs 2gther gn his gf n another one almost 2 yrs n both of
them still intouch wif most of their ex.
2.Dis one guy,almost 3@4 yrs on off wif his gf,n within d'off periods he'll involve wif other gal n
he'll leave d'gal everytym his ex wants him back.
3.Dis one gal,his bf forbidden her from intouch wif her ex.so she secretly contact dat guy.
4.Dis one guy,sgt rapat gn dis one gal n they bcum close fwens 4 2yrs plus.he lend his shoulder
4 d'gal evytym dat gal ngadu psl her bf.ble dowg dh break up about 5months,dat guy n d'gal
dcided 2 b 2gther.xsmpai 2 months 2ghtr,dat gal dcide nk break sbb she juz met her ex n then
she realized dat she still in luv wif him..

byk jew case2 yg len yg melibatkn ex nih,
certain2 2 kte x pnh t'pk pon bnd cm 2 leh jd,
from wut i can conclude ere is sme bnd nih b'gantung pd individu 2 sndri,
kte xleh nk kate..kalo jmpe ex mesti dowg akan fall into each other lik..n kalo xjmpe kowg akan kekal smpai ble2,
kowg knal partner kowg msing2 n kowg knal dri kowg sndri,
if kowg rse die jns yg can b trusted+loyal..rse nyew xslh bg dowg b'kwn gn spe2 pon,
kalo bnd nk jd..kowg cntrl mcm mane pon akan jd..
mayb kalo cegah 2 agi bgus kn?
tp if die wt blkg kowg?
which one do u prefer?
agipon nih slh stu cara yg leh prove kn yg dowg tol2 syg kowg n xksh ah b'tape precious nyew kngn dowg gn their ex..dowg still pilih kowg sbb kowg much more precious than anythn else in dis world..tol x?
dat's y kowg kne treat them gud..extremely gud,
sum1yg mmg bgus dh de dpn mate xkn ah dowg nk cri yg len lak..

p/s:len owg len prinsip idop n perspective on everythin.
so sme owg de hak msing2 utk decide wut's besh 4 their lives =]

::suhadanuar::

forgive n forget?

Pnah x kowg rse kowg sgt syg stu owg nih,
Kowg sgt2 care psl die,
Xksh ah die wt pe2 pon kowg stil leh terime die,
Even die sesuka ati nk diam xcontact kowg 4 quite a long time n then sesuke ati die nk contact kowg lik then cte prob die,
And tym 2 kowg still akan jd p'dgr yg setia,
Kowg xmau die 'saket' sowg2,
Cian kt die..
Tp afta dat die wt lik,
N kdg2 2 die wt sumthin yg wt kowg rse die x respect kowg,
But then kowg xleh nk mara lme2,
xtau npe..
Byk kali lak 2 wt cm 2,
Mayb sbb syg kot kn?

Tp owg kate wt baek 2 de limit die,
Mayb dh smpai stu tahap nih yg kowg akan rse..I HAD ENOUGH OF U!
So kowg pon rse g mampos ah die gn life die!

Tp..
Sure kowg still wondering kn?
Cmne life die skrg?
Pe yg die wt now nih?
Prob die yg die bse ngadu dlu 2 cmne now nih?
Sehat x die?
Die hepi x?
Kn?kn?kn?
N kdg2 2 kowg rse kowg mish sgt2 kt die..

Bodo kn?
Marah2..tp windu,
Marah2..tp stil concern,
Gle nyew bodo,
Tp..
Ntah ah..

Die dh melampau sgt rsenyew,
Npe die xleh nk appreciate pe yg kowg pnh wt kt die?
Of course ah kowg x mntk lebey,
Enough with die show sum respect,
Tp..?
N b'cuz of dat..rltnshp yg b'taon2 2 putus cm 2 jew,
Syg kn?

Tp patot ke kowg nk lupe kn n maafkn...lagi?
Is it all about ego?
Or kowg rse kowg x sgup dh nk d'pijak2?
Erm?

::suhadanuar::

Langkah Pertama..

Erm,
2008..
Another year that will reach an end,
Dh nk nmpk dh kelibat 2009,
huhu~
Rse cm jap sgt kn?
And I think it's tym 4 me 2 begin ma 1st step,
Langkah pertama yg m'biarkan hati berkata-kata dgn sepenuhnyew,
And of course here n there akan nmpk a bit jiwunk n wut so eva,
but hey?
Ask ursef,
Each and evyone of us must have 'another self',
kn? =]

Let's sum up evythin that i've been thru all dis year,
From family+fwenships+relationships+studies+masef,
Urm..xsume menarik rsenyew,
T'lampau byk bnd yg jd smpai at one point rse cm xmau idop dh,
Yup,
Here n there yg contribute 2 much on the wounded heart,
xkire ah luka lame ke..luka baru ke..still...saket..hmm...
Kdg2 diri sndri yg cri nahas,
Luka lame 2 dh nk ok,
Then gn sesuke ati nyew g cri pisau lipat g toreh2 balek,
Bodoh kn?
Tp kdg2 certain bnd 2 worth-suffer,
Yeke?
huhu~
Tp tym saket 2 mmg xhengat ah,
Tym 2 ah nk kne ssh kn owg len dgr cte ati yg kdg2 2 ntah pe2.
And bcuz of stuff like dis..i luv telling masef dat "ma life is sux!i hate masef!"

Talkin about sux life n stuff,
I've a fwen dat luvs 2 ask me n ma other fwens dis question..
"If kowg d'bg stu pluang utk balek ke stu mse lampau kowg n start ur life all over again fom dat particular tym..which tym would dat b?"
As far as i rmbr..ma 1st asnwr is i wanna proceed wif wut i've rite now,
D'2nd tym she asked i cant really rmbr wut's ma asnwr was,
but now i thk i know..
Rse nk start Form1 kot,
Yup!
Form1~
I realized dat i've changed a lot n i hate those changes,
Siyesly!
I screwed up few tyms,
And i wish there's ere n thr yg i nk fix,

Erm..skula menengah is mse nk start knal dunia rsenyew,
I met few ppl..i tried nu stuff,
If nk timbg wut i did rite n wut i did wrong tym skula dlu rsenyew berat kt wut i did wrong kot,
Kdg2 t'pk..asl ah bodo ngat g wt bnd2 cm 2?
Nak kate nyesal pon de..hmm..
Tp ble pk lik..bnd2 yg slh 2 ah yg guide me 2 do thgs rite now nih,
But de certain2 bnd 2 still gn bodo nyew wt smpai skrg,
waaa~
Ble nk pandai2 nih~
huhu~

No matter wut it is i've 2 face d'fact dat there's no such thg nk turn back tym n wut so eva,
Pe yg de now nih i've 2 proceed,
Kne tanggung sndri concequences of ma own actions..hm..
And at d'end kte akan sedar stu bnd,
Yg family n fwens sgt2 pntg in helping us going thru dis challenging a.k.a sux life~
wuwu~
Tenkiu sgt 2 kwn2 n fams =]

So,
counting d'dayhs 2 2009~
hopin 4 d'very beSh ;]


::suhadanuar::