another chance.

i'm giving masef another chance 2 live again;

http://bilahatilelahberbicara.blogspot.com/

::SuhadanuaR::

struggling.suffering.dying.

i feel terrible.

i'm losing control of masef.

tears keep rollin on ma cheeks like no one bother 2 wipe it.

i dunno wut 2 do.

everythin is a mess.

d'more i try 2 stop thinking about it d'more it comes.

infact..i could feel d'existance of you in ma vain.

am i exagerating?

nope..i mean it.

n it is weakening me like hell.

i swear i've tried 2 fight.

but i could only see dead end.

salu sgt dh dgr owg ckp yg every problem comes wif solution.

i believe in dat.

but leh x any of dat solution completely solving wut am i facing rite now n b'pihak on me?

or atleast it makes me happy n less hurt o not hurting at all?

i'm thinking of doing dis.

but then still i'm d'one yg get wound.

then i start thinking of doing dat.

but wait..it also hurts y'know...

arghhhh..everythin is too painful..sumpah..

sounds like i'm juz thinking about masef am i?

yes!mmg pon!so wut?

akuh yg saket.

akuh yg nk tanggung sume nih.

ade owg len kesah ke?

i hate me!i hate me!i hate me!

ble pk ati owg akuh saket.

ble x pk ati owg pon akuh saket.

ble pk ati sendri agi saket.

i can't feel ma own feets.

n i dun even think dat ma feets touching d'ground.


so wut next? *sigh*



::SuhadanuaR::

it's finally happening again..

i never thought i mish u dis hell much..

i'm too weak 2 face all these again..

i juz lost one of d'germane possion in ma strength..

n dat would make dis thing harder 4 me..

i know dat all these windu2 feelin will b gone..

but can u juz get ur butt out of ma life so dat d'process would b easier?

y u juz love watching all these moving on thing hard for me?

stop being so selfish..

u have ur own life kn?

so LEAVE MINE ALONE!!!!

please.. =(

u n i realize d'fact dat i will always have a thing on u..

but dat doesn't mean i love u n i want u..

i repeat..THAT DOESN'T MEAN I LOVE U N I WANT U!!!!

so please..

please leave..

u've caused enuff damage 2 ma heart..

u've caused enuff damage 2 ma life..

go 2 hell wif all ur 'i treasure u' n stuff...

i dun give a shit b'cuz i dun want u anymore!!!

i cried b'cuz of u more than u or other ppl can imagine..

so i beg 4 ur mercy..

please leave me n ma life alone..

awk xpuas agi tgk sy nanges sbb awk ke wak... =(



::SuhadanuaR::

a better plan

Mengapa kita mengharap teman sehebat Saidina Ali,
Jika diri tak semulia Fatimah Az-Zahra.
Tak perlu mencari teman sehebat Sulaiman,
Jika diri tak secantik Balkis.
Mengapa mengharap teman sekacak Yusuf,
Jika kasih tak setulus Zulaika.
Tak perlu mencari teman seteguh Ibrahim,
Jika diri tak sekuat Hajar.
Mengapa didamba teman sesempurna Muhammd,
Jika diri tak sehebat Siti Khadijah.
Bimbinglah dirinya dan terimalah kekurangan itu sebagai satu keunikan,
Carilah kebaikan pada dirinya,
Bersyukurlah kerana dipertemukan dengannya.

Adakala kita tertanya2..
Setiap apa yg berlaku apakah hikmah yg turut serta?
Kadangkala kita sendiri keliru dengan setiap dugaan yg d'terima,
Apakah agenda yg t'sembunyi d'sebaliknya?
Namun hanya satu yg kita harus yakin dan percaya..
Allah Taala merancang yg terbaik utk setiap hamba-Nya..

dh lupe rase bercinta [ii]

perlu ke ade si dia juz nk wt kowg rse lik all those feelings?

perlu ke ade si dia juz 2 make sure dat kowg x rse lonely dh?

a fwen of mine once said 2 me;
"single is simple couple create troubles"

but as 4 me;
kowg single ke kowg couple ke still de prob masing2..kn?
yg beza nye..
ble kowg couple kowg nk kne pk psl 2 hati.
ble kowg single kowg juz need 2 pk psl ati kowg jew..tp..yeke?
wut if dat prob involve owg len gk?
xkn kowg still pk ati kowg jew kot kn?
prob 2..prob.. ;]

a good fwen of mine once told me dat;
if kowg single prob yg kowg ade is loneliness.
n dun lie 2 urself dat dat matter doesnt bother u at all~
if kowg couple lak prob yg kowg ade obviously related 2 ur partner.
jelousy+comitment+money+misscommunication n stuff.
so mcm xde makne jew if xnk de prob xyah couple..kn?
tp if by couple contribute more pain than happiness..u know wut 2 do
(a quote from a good fwen) =]

wut i usually hear is;
"to love is to let go"

but recently i heard new one;
"to love is to haunt"

well,
it's probably sumthin like "fight utk yg t'syg"
isn't it? =]
but,

there r certain rules in dat battle which i can relate 2 dis one quote from a dear fwen of mine;
"in life juz do wuteva u wanna do as long as it cause u no harm or killing u."

so in certain cases u juz need 2 b silent.
y?

bcuz in certain thing;
"the less u mention the better"

bcuz pe yg kowg ckp o kowg confess may harm other ppl o even u ursef.

there is a saying;
"juz do wuteva u feel right"

tp,
pe yg kowg rse btol probably owg len xrse bnd yg same.
some ppl they dun give a shit pe owg len nk kate,
again,
as long as pe yg kowg wt 2 cause no pain 2 any1,
juz tutop mate n do it!
tp kdg2 rse b'salah kt diri sndri sbb wt bnd yg slh agi twok rse die dr rse b'salah kt owg len sbb kslhn yg kte wt.

konklusinye;
d'storylines of our lives have no ending.
unless u die.
so,
juz go thru wif dis unpredictable life.
d'pain..d'joy..they will never end..
it's juz us yg probably getting mature everyday..
it's juz us yg probably akan timbul rse kesedaran dlm diri 2 make things better..
a fwen of mine used 2 claim dat dr dlu smpai skrg he is completely d'same person.
but i said 2 him..no..u're not bcuz d'maturity yg change u..either 2 b better o worse.
same goes when it comes 2 love.
few years back u were probably a jerk who screwed up few tyms.
even nowadays u've tried harder 2 make things right but still has no luck,
but juz keep on trying bcuz;
"Allah sentiasa bersama orang2 yg bersabar" =]

p/s:jgn sbb stu pintu t'tutop kowg tutop pintu2 laen yg ade.( tenkiu syera ;] )


::SuhadanuaR::

dh lupe rase bercinta [i]

0945pm
10th May 2009
oldtown,bangi.

dh lupe rase ble pagi2 celik mate de msg dr yg t'syg;
"gudmorning~"

dh lupe rase ble mlm2 b4 lelap mate de msg dr si dia;
"gudnyte~"

dh lupe rase ble yg t'syg pgl;
"sayang.." "manje.." "musyuk.."

dh lupe rase ade perasaan windu yg t'amat sgt kt si dia.

dh lupe rase ble si dia btau;
"sy windu awk sgt3.."

dh lupe rase ble kalut nk b'siap n xtau pe nk pkai sbb nk jumpe yg si dia;
kdg2 g kedai2 bese jew kot..huhu~

dh lupe rase d'pujuk dan memujuk sampai all d'skills
almost gone.. =p

dh lupe rase ble every tym kuar g mane2 sure t'pk;
"nk bli ape ek utk die?

dh lupe rase sonok nk cte kt mbr2 mcm ne die wt kte rse bahagie
n lupe gk rase sedey nk cte kt mbr2 mcm ne die wt kte t'luke.

dh lupe rase gadoh2 over silly o siyes stuff.

dh lupe rase ble jeles tgk die gn pompuan len =(

dh lupe rase ble ngah hepi2 o sdey2 straight away call him;
"awk2..tau x td kn.."

dh lupe rase ble si dia kate;
"awk..sy sayang awk sgt3.."
n he mean it =]

dh lupe rase when he confess;
"u r everythin 2 me.."

dh lupe jugak rase secure in every second of life dat
u're havin sum1 like him dat can look afta u n care a lot bout u =]


dh lupe rse sume 2 sbb dh lame xrse...


::SuhadanuaR::

-berhenti- (Part II)

once akuh dh start syg,
akuh syg gn sepenuh ati..

once akuh dh start percaye,
akuh percaye gn seluruh jiwe..

once akuh dh start bkk pintu ati,
akuh bkk dgn seluas-luas nyew..

xkire lah in relationship o fwenship,
ble akuh wt sket2 akuh ssh nk rse,
mayb e2 kelemahan akuh,
n when i applied all those things akuh akan jd sgt depending,
n bnd 2 yg akan wt akuh ssh kn owg sekeliling akuh..

hmm..
any solution 4 dat? =(

::SuhadanuaR::